can i buy a Z?

Sleep has been hard to come by nowadays. Not so much because I have been busy, but rather because my body has not allowed me to do so. I have spent so many waking moments staring at the back of my eyelids that I could probably create a whole new world of constellations using the blood vessels found surrounding my eyeballs.

The past week I have averaged about four hours of sleep a night. Now, if this was a good solid four hours, that would be one thing. But that is not the case.

It all started Sunday night, I believe, when I had my first nightmare in what seems like forever ago. A real nightmare - I woke up at 2:20 am in a panic and sweating beads. Though I cannot remember what the nightmare was about, I vividly remember fearing for my life. The unsettling feeling left me wide awake the rest of the evening.

Ever since then, I have struggled to get through the night. I am no longer delusional, no longer cranky. I am just tired.

Is this what you call insomnia?

i get paid to play.

I am the winner! At least when it comes to interdepartmental challenges.

Every few months we try to have sporting challenges within the department. Basically, an excuse to play on the job. A few months ago we played basketball. I swept the entire competition by winning the free-throw, 3-point, and HORSE competitions. Today, we played volleyball. Surprisingly, I was on the winning team! I made consistent serves and bumped the ball fairly well; I only cost the team a few points but that is just because I am completely useless lined up against the net.

And this is one of the reasons I love my job.

mental illness.

Mental illness is a major epidemic in the world. Sure there is obesity and cancer, but think about how many people you encounter day in and day out that just leave you thinking, "What the fuck?"

I am probably more aware of the problem because I see the drugs dispensed everyday. Seroquel, Paxil, Zyprexa. People depend on these medications in order to function. And those are the ones who have been diagnosed. Think of all the people out there who have issues and are not diagnosed and medicated. Watch out for them at the grocery store - they will run you over with their cart to get to the last box of Captian Crunch.

Working with the public has made me appreciate normalcy. Do not get me wrong, I encourage being different. But when it comes to mental health, being normal is a blessing. Patience is quite the virtue when dealing with not so normal people. They will ask the most ridiculous questions and give you the most outrageous, unheard of answers. There is no point, nor is there a need, to argue with them. Half of the time they do not even realize what they have said.

If it is raining, will the [indoor] pool still be open?

Is there an instructor present during the swim classes?

What should my child bring to his swimming class? How should I dress him?

My dad makes me practice dives by jumping off the couch.

Santa won't be coming by this year. I stabbed him and killed him.

A recent good read...

More Money Means A Better Life? Don't Tell That to Billy Donovan. - Dan LeBatard

Here's the choice: You are very happy at work, but maybe you could be a bit happier. There is more money, more glory, and more passion at another job you could have. Do you stay with "very happy?" or do you chase the intoxicating "maybe happier?"

Billy Donovan chose very happy. Kentucky, a seductive temptress, whispered to all of Donovan's vanities. Win at Florida, Billy, and you are a prince. Win at Kentucky, and you graduate to god. Consider this: The Gators, the reigning national champion Gators, sold out one nonconference game this season in their 12,000-seat building. Kentucky got twice that for a practice.

But Donovan ignored the temptress and stuck with the love he knew.
....

The nature of the job is to always want more and better. Donovan, though, chose to stay the No.2 guy at a football school rather than become the No.1 guy in the world's most rabid hoops environment - the coach ignored his ego while the dad listened to his kids. He stuck with 20 in blackjack, refusing to split his face cards. He's pulled two kings in Gainsville. Why chase an ace in Lexington?

Even an amateur reader can pull something away from this. You do not need to know who Billy Donovan is or what sport he coaches. In the end, the underlining suggestion still reads the same. "...pulled two kings...why chase an ace?" I love it.

revival of the sports junkie within.

The starting line-up for the Boston Celtics. The record of the Chicago Bulls going into the playoffs. The starting quarterbacks of all the NFL teams. The offensive coach of the Washington Redskins. I used to know all the statistics and trivia. I used to be a sports junkie, at least when it came to basketball and football.

Now ask me the starting line-up of the Mavericks, and I struggle. I have let it all slip within the past years. In college, I was too busy studying other things...like, what liquors are mixed to make a Long Island Iced Tea. Though I developed a love for Longhorn sports my senior year, it was not until after I graduated that I kept up with college sports.

I am back in the game again. If my nose is not in a subscription of Sporting News, ESPN the magazine, or Sports Illustrated, it is probably a few inches away from the computer screen as I watch an NBA game. One of the best examples of advancement in technology...Gamecast.


Gamecast keeps my junkiness alive. It allows me to "watch" games online as they are being played. I work most evenings, but am fortunate enough to have internet access at both places of work (who does not have internet nowadays?). I keep a window open on ESPN.com at all times and every now and then (or more often if not busy) I "watch" the game. The features are amazing.

Now while some may contest that my time could be spent doing other more intellectual things, I must say that despite my hatred toward reading, I have begun giving more attention to the words that surround the pictures. And no, I am not talking about the captions below the pictures. My current favorite writer is Bill Simmons, The Sports Guy. He writes for ESPN. Though his writings will never make Oprah's Book Club, they also do not require CliffsNotes to understand and appreciate.

deadlines.

Lately, a lot of changes have been taking place around me. Domestic changes. Work-related changes. Decisions being made; actions taking place.

It is now my turn to initiate changes and to act on issues which have been pending for awhile. Dates will be set, and deadlines will be met.

The ball has always been there. Now I just have to get it moving.

congratulations.

Since I probably will not be allowed at your wedding, here are my words...

I knew of all your boyfriends in high school. All the hardships you went through with each of them, I was there. I read all the love notes, intercepted all the phone calls, shed the same tears. I was there. Though I do not know of the present man, I know that he is lucky to have you and will treat you right. Your parents would only leave you in good hands. The wedding is not until the end of the year, but from this day forward, I wish you two joy and happiness. You have come a long way and truly deserve the best! Congratulations.

And remember what I said, If greater things happen along the way, it will just make you cherish them more because they were unexpected.

friendships.

You say you were giving me space, but you were really putting distance. I did not need space, and if you really knew me you would have known that. Do not make excuses for yourself. Things are only as awkward as you allow them to be. I cannot say I really understand what has happened either. This is not what life has become, but rather what we have made of it.

There are many things I regret in my life, but friendships are never one of them. I truly believe that all friendships are never to be taken for granted. We are each blessed with a kind heart towards others and should learn from each other. Every moment and every memory should be embraced. Each friendship is special, and in a perfect world each friendship would be forever.

I am not ashamed to say I miss it.

Pay to the order of: Uncle Sam.

Damn taxes. Why should I be punished for working hard and making money. Just because I do not have kids and do not pay mortage...



Thank goodness for Turbo Tax. Too bad I still owe Uncle Sam.

even Blogger can do random.

There has not been an urge this great to watch a movie since X-Men. They are lean, mean, and green - The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are back! And I am ready to go watch them on the big screen.

The month of March was full of jumping up and down and yelling obscenities. Basketball has consumed me. UNC losing to the Lady Vols. I feel for Latta as she truly deserves a championship. Florida pulling off a back to back. They play so well as a team.

My first day back to the pharmacy after a 7 day hiatus, and I am left short-handed. Fortunately, I was left in good hands with a capable pharmacist. Suprisingly, I did not mind working the 8 hour shift - though hectic at times, I did not bitch and had a good day.

My headaches are back full force. Within the past 30 days, a good two-thirds have been spent in pain. I know a great deal of it is stress induced, but I wonder what else it could be and if there will ever be a way to make it all stop.

Intimissi. I finally found them. And this time there was no laughter coming from a size D black lady.

Latest want: a pair of grey Nikes. They can be shox or non-shox, as long as they are predominantly grey (preferably grey and blue or grey and black).

Whitey was recently egged. Our future is in trouble if stupid kids seriously have nothing else to do during Spring Break. The egging cost me several car washes and a detail job.

Respect seems much harder to come by when you are an Asian female standing a whole 5 foot 2 with shoes.

Coach Goestenkors is now a Longhorn. Noone will ever fill Conradt's shoes, but if anyone can bring a National Title to Austin, it is Goestenkors.

You really do have to appreciate those who make you a better person. They appreciate your strengths, and they encourage improvement and growth. Inspiration is a grand motivator, and should be taken to great lengths.

forty schmorty.

Tonight marks the end of my "regular work week." I took a whole seven days off from the pharmacy, partially to retain my sanity and also to experience a 40 hour work week. After seven days, I can officially upload my picture next to the definition of Workaholic.

When I first approached my manager with the notion of taking off a week, I said that I needed some time off so that I did not get burned out. I figured, a week off from the chaos that is the pharmacy would be good for me - I would be able to get some errands run, watch some television, and catch up on rest. Though I was able to achieve all these, I still lacked a sense of accomplishment. By the third day, I was feeling lazy. What the hell was wrong with me? Instead of enjoying my time away from a second job, I was yearning for work.

I have concluded that my life is driven by a sense of urgency and deadlines. When I work 12 hours a day, I know that I only have 12 remaining hours to work with. I am more motivated and manage my time better when there is a lot going on.

In grade school, I kept busy by being involved in a number of clubs and holding officer positions in many of them. In college, in addition to working part-time and being involved with Greek life, I averaged 15-17 hours each semester. I do not know of any other way. 40 hour work weeks are overrated if you ask me.