no time for eloquence.

Alzheimer's is a bitch. For entertainment purposes, I am glad the movie 50 First Dates was able to poke fun at memory loss but in real life, it is anything but funny. I witnessed a man relive the initial shock of his mother's death yesterday. "Oh my god, when did this happen?" Two weeks ago. "Why didn't anyone tell me sooner?" They did - You just don't remember.

It is not your decision to make. If you are going to short my hours, just tell me. If you are going to restaff, just let us know.

I am so proud of my boy, Daniel Gibson. Sad when you decided to leave UT early, I am now extremely happy for you and all that you have done for the Caveliers.

Temptation is hard to ignore. I am ashamed to say that at times I find myself without the strength to say no. Instead, I have to force myself away from that which tempts me.

My father likes to watch Kyle XY. Something about that makes me laugh.

Insert one applicatorful into each vagina once daily.If your doctor calls in your medication like this, PLEASE go find yourself another doctor. Or, find yourself a specialist and have that second (or third) vagina removed. You should only have one vagina.

Do people really pay $400+ dollars for a pair of shoes?! I will pay $100+ for a pair of Nikes; that I am guilty of. But $400 for a pair of dress shoes? Do the shoes come with a Prince Charming at the stroke of midnight? And who is this Jimmy Choo person? Jimmy Jimmy Choo, who are you?

The Big Borderrito at On the Border is no joke. It is humungous! Reminded me of the Super Monsters at Freebirds. Mmmm...Freebirds.

Currently listening to: I Tried - Bone Thugs N Harmony, feat Akon. I love me some Krayzie and Layzie Bone.

Aging sucks. More responsibilities. Less controllable emotions. More aching bones.

the beginning of always.

Seems love is definitely in the air. With three cousins getting married this summer and several people I know getting engaged...

Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always. A promise. Like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. The belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision, to ignore or simply rise above the pain of the past. The covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. The celebration, of the chance taken, and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be stronger than one. Like a team, braced against the tempest’s of the world. And love… will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality… only an announcement to the world for feelings long held. Promises made long ago in the sacred space of our hearts.

Awww...

racing for some cure.

Last year I flaked out by being sick...or hungover, I cannot remember which it was. Probably both. This year I was home at a decent hour the night before the race, without a single trace of alcohol in my body. Though I did not get a good night's sleep (damn rain!), I did have some peace of mind to myself, which was nice.

It took me 38 minutes to race for the cure - all 5K (3.1 miles) of it. No cure was found at the end, but I did come out with a sense of accomplishment. I have not ran since summer school PE in high school. Sure I have done cardio at the gym, but moving your legs with the assistance of an elliptical as the screen digitally says you have completed 2 miles does not compare to the work out you experience when you actually go running.

I was hot, sweaty, and now I am sore. I look forward to next year's race in which I hope to improve on the awful time of 38 minutes.

crisis.

I blamed the weather, and though the rain may have been partially to blame, it was brought to my attention that it was more of a crisis than a mood I was suffering from. It was my quarter-life crisis.

Anxiety, uncertainty, and inner turmoil. That has been me in a nutshell. The common thread: lonliness. People seem to be leaving or have left me in some way or another. Physical and emotional departures have left me alone.

I scoffed at the notion when I first read about it (midlife crisis, sure - but quarterlife crisis, no way!), but now I know it is the real deal.

system down.

This blog has truely become my outlet. Though I do not possess the literary skills of renowned writers, I have found somewhat of a desire and need to write. I have never been good with words. Verbally, I feel pressured to say the right thing, knowing that someone is on the receiving end waiting to hear what I have to say. But when I write, I can take two hours to express my thoughts in two sentences, and nobody but myself will know.

I have recently suffered a loss. My laptop presented itself with the blue screen of death a few weeks ago. While trying to fix it, it was later followed by a black screen, death itself. I have been computer-less for the past few weeks (which explains my abrupt absence of posts), and it has been killing me. Not because I cannot accept friend requests on Facebook, but because I cannot blog when I desparately need to blog.

I hope to invest in a new laptop soon. 'Soon' being the operative word. Until then...

career day.

Career Day was one of those hurray-we-get-to-miss-class days. It was never taken seriously, and I can honestly say I never paid much attention to anything the guest speakers had to say. Today, for the first time, I listened. I listened as I, myself, spoke and as others spoke.

It was quite the strange feeling being on the other side of the presentation. Not only was I walking on new turf, but I was walking on new turf in a new environment. Today, I was given the opportunity to speak to 6th-8th graders at Franklin Middle School in Dallas. Prior to the presentation I thought about what aspects of my job would peak students' interests most. What I failed to realize was that most of these kids were just trying to get through middle school; the thought of college seemed far-fetched.

At a school where over 90% of the student population was comprised of Hispanics and African Americans, you could pretty much assume half of the kids would be lucky to walk across a stage and receive a high school diploma. They needed encouragement; they needed to know that just because they were not amongst the rich and gifted did not mean they would not amount to great things.

Aside from being an insipring experience, speaking to the kids made me appreciate everything around me. I am grateful for this computer in which I am able to type this blog. I am grateful for the selection of clean clothes I have to choose from each morning. I am grateful for a reliable vehicle which takes me to and from work. I am grateful for both of my jobs and all the opportunities I have had. I am grateful for the years of education I received through Plano schools and UT. Though I may not be atop the list of rich and gifted, I will proudly stand amongst the grateful.

Today, I am glad I paid attention.

flashback remix.

Listening to 107.5 has brought back some memories. Listed below are some songs that either bring back memories of a certain time in my life, certain people, or a certain event. For the most part, good memories and good songs...

Joe - I Wanna Know

Tony Rich Project - Nobody Knows

Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You

N'Sync - It's Gonna Be Me

N'Sync - This I Promise You

S Club 7 - Never Had a Dream Come True

Nelly - Ride Wit Me

ATB - Around the World

Bone Thugs and Harmony - If I Could Teach the World

Monica - The Boy is Mine

Five for Fighting - 100 Years

Usher - Nice and Slow

Tommy Lee - Good Times

The Postal Service - Sleeping In

Oasis - Wonderwall

Next - Too Close

Mario - I Don't Wanna Know

Mariah Carey - Breakdown

Hoobastank - The Reason

Greenday - Basket Case

Sesame Street - Sunny Days

Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody

the answer is still no.

You would be my number 2, my second most dialed. The drive home would only seem like 5 instead of the 25 it sometimes takes me. After a long day at work, you would be my light at the end of the tunnel, my espresso to get me through the last leg. The stupid things, the bitchings, your poor ear. The surprises, the satisfactions, your dependant embrace. I could vent, free of consequences, knowing that you would listen. After awhile it starts to hurt. It is a powerful, yet empty, feeling that goes deeper than the heart. There is no immunity from desolation. Sometimes the signs of affection are least prevalent when most desired. The answer is still no. Noone, that is.

giggle like a schoolgirl.

Sometimes, and just sometimes, I have so much fun at work. Tonight, Jill, Seth, and I giggled like schoolgirls as we talked about famous people we thought were hot and sexy.

Seth's picks...


Eva Longoria
(we stumbled across this picture after looking up one of my picks, Tony Parker)

Jessica Biel
(Seth doesn't mind the fact that Biel could easily have him in a headlock with those arms...and legs, of hers)

Jill's picks...

Zach Braff
(Jill said it reminds her of the type of guy she would have dated in high school; she's 40+ years old)

Harrison Ford
(Not bad looking for an old man. Look! He even has his ears pierced!)

And lastly, my picks (just to mention a few...)

Tony Parker
Devin Harris
Jason Thompson
Steve Burton
Yoo Gun
Jessica Alba

defeat.

And this is why I watch sports...


One of the most exciting 90 seconds of any game. Steve Nash bumps into Tony Parker head on and injures his nose. He does everything in is power to get back into the game, but after 15 bandaids and 3 changes in jersies, he ends up watching his team lose from the bench.

That is what you call a defeat.

working with the public.

Whenever I can remember to do so, I like to read the few pharmacy blogs that I frequent. Now before you go off making fun of my choice of recreational reading, let it be known that reading about your own professional really does bring it to a new level of appreciation.

...working with the public tends to be the worst part of our jobs. It can also be argued that its the hardest as well. Ask any pharmacist if their job would be easier or harder if they didn't have to deal with the public, they will gladly tell you that working with the public is a burden.

So, may I suggest anyone trying to build momentum for the socialist movement argue that all jobs working with the public be paid equal. Regardless of your skill or trade, just the act of talking to the public is the single most difficult and least desirable part of any job. The rest is easier and much more pleasant. Thus, all jobs in retail or otherwise work with the public should be paid equally.

Retail pharmacists generally are paid more than their institution/hospital counterparts. Its called combat pay, and its due to having to deal with some dipshit who knows nothing yet insists on yelling at me for no good reason. I just have to sit there and take it. And I can't think of a single good reason that the kid slicing turkey meat at the deli counter has any less dignity or should be expected to take the same verbal abuse. Where is this kid's combat pay?

Word. People who work in front of computers all day have no idea.

eliminated.

Damn Mavericks make me so mad. I think I have cursed more in the past week than I have in this year. I sacrificed my time and sleep for these stupid eastern time games. And what do I get in return? The greatest upset in the NBA playoffs. Good job, you guys.

You guys played with no heart. Absolutely no desire to win. There was no passion in any of the players. All good teams have good players that play with passion. Even Yao Ming shows more emotion than Dirk.


Dirk, you are not an MVP. You had absolutely no value during this series. Bill Simmons is right, "Not since David Hasselhoff has America been so embarrassed by a German."

Players with hamstring problems played better than the entire starting line-up of the Mavericks. How do you let such big leads slip away? How do you let a team go on a 15-0 run? Way to win 67 games, you guys. Now what?

pseudoephedrine high.

And now I know why they monitor the purchase of pseudoephedrine products. Aleve Cold and Sinus has been kind to me the past few days. I had the symptoms: stuffy nose, aches, chest congestion, fatigue. It comes as no surprise that I was sick, seeing as how I have been getting absolutely no sleep. I am usually one of the last to praise the effects of drugs, especially over the counter drugs, but Aleve Cold and Sinus has done wonders. It has not cured me, but it has definitely gotten me through the day by temporarily relieving the cold-like symptoms. Granted I do take double the dosage directed. But hey, whatever works, right?

can i buy a Z?

Sleep has been hard to come by nowadays. Not so much because I have been busy, but rather because my body has not allowed me to do so. I have spent so many waking moments staring at the back of my eyelids that I could probably create a whole new world of constellations using the blood vessels found surrounding my eyeballs.

The past week I have averaged about four hours of sleep a night. Now, if this was a good solid four hours, that would be one thing. But that is not the case.

It all started Sunday night, I believe, when I had my first nightmare in what seems like forever ago. A real nightmare - I woke up at 2:20 am in a panic and sweating beads. Though I cannot remember what the nightmare was about, I vividly remember fearing for my life. The unsettling feeling left me wide awake the rest of the evening.

Ever since then, I have struggled to get through the night. I am no longer delusional, no longer cranky. I am just tired.

Is this what you call insomnia?

i get paid to play.

I am the winner! At least when it comes to interdepartmental challenges.

Every few months we try to have sporting challenges within the department. Basically, an excuse to play on the job. A few months ago we played basketball. I swept the entire competition by winning the free-throw, 3-point, and HORSE competitions. Today, we played volleyball. Surprisingly, I was on the winning team! I made consistent serves and bumped the ball fairly well; I only cost the team a few points but that is just because I am completely useless lined up against the net.

And this is one of the reasons I love my job.

mental illness.

Mental illness is a major epidemic in the world. Sure there is obesity and cancer, but think about how many people you encounter day in and day out that just leave you thinking, "What the fuck?"

I am probably more aware of the problem because I see the drugs dispensed everyday. Seroquel, Paxil, Zyprexa. People depend on these medications in order to function. And those are the ones who have been diagnosed. Think of all the people out there who have issues and are not diagnosed and medicated. Watch out for them at the grocery store - they will run you over with their cart to get to the last box of Captian Crunch.

Working with the public has made me appreciate normalcy. Do not get me wrong, I encourage being different. But when it comes to mental health, being normal is a blessing. Patience is quite the virtue when dealing with not so normal people. They will ask the most ridiculous questions and give you the most outrageous, unheard of answers. There is no point, nor is there a need, to argue with them. Half of the time they do not even realize what they have said.

If it is raining, will the [indoor] pool still be open?

Is there an instructor present during the swim classes?

What should my child bring to his swimming class? How should I dress him?

My dad makes me practice dives by jumping off the couch.

Santa won't be coming by this year. I stabbed him and killed him.

A recent good read...

More Money Means A Better Life? Don't Tell That to Billy Donovan. - Dan LeBatard

Here's the choice: You are very happy at work, but maybe you could be a bit happier. There is more money, more glory, and more passion at another job you could have. Do you stay with "very happy?" or do you chase the intoxicating "maybe happier?"

Billy Donovan chose very happy. Kentucky, a seductive temptress, whispered to all of Donovan's vanities. Win at Florida, Billy, and you are a prince. Win at Kentucky, and you graduate to god. Consider this: The Gators, the reigning national champion Gators, sold out one nonconference game this season in their 12,000-seat building. Kentucky got twice that for a practice.

But Donovan ignored the temptress and stuck with the love he knew.
....

The nature of the job is to always want more and better. Donovan, though, chose to stay the No.2 guy at a football school rather than become the No.1 guy in the world's most rabid hoops environment - the coach ignored his ego while the dad listened to his kids. He stuck with 20 in blackjack, refusing to split his face cards. He's pulled two kings in Gainsville. Why chase an ace in Lexington?

Even an amateur reader can pull something away from this. You do not need to know who Billy Donovan is or what sport he coaches. In the end, the underlining suggestion still reads the same. "...pulled two kings...why chase an ace?" I love it.

revival of the sports junkie within.

The starting line-up for the Boston Celtics. The record of the Chicago Bulls going into the playoffs. The starting quarterbacks of all the NFL teams. The offensive coach of the Washington Redskins. I used to know all the statistics and trivia. I used to be a sports junkie, at least when it came to basketball and football.

Now ask me the starting line-up of the Mavericks, and I struggle. I have let it all slip within the past years. In college, I was too busy studying other things...like, what liquors are mixed to make a Long Island Iced Tea. Though I developed a love for Longhorn sports my senior year, it was not until after I graduated that I kept up with college sports.

I am back in the game again. If my nose is not in a subscription of Sporting News, ESPN the magazine, or Sports Illustrated, it is probably a few inches away from the computer screen as I watch an NBA game. One of the best examples of advancement in technology...Gamecast.


Gamecast keeps my junkiness alive. It allows me to "watch" games online as they are being played. I work most evenings, but am fortunate enough to have internet access at both places of work (who does not have internet nowadays?). I keep a window open on ESPN.com at all times and every now and then (or more often if not busy) I "watch" the game. The features are amazing.

Now while some may contest that my time could be spent doing other more intellectual things, I must say that despite my hatred toward reading, I have begun giving more attention to the words that surround the pictures. And no, I am not talking about the captions below the pictures. My current favorite writer is Bill Simmons, The Sports Guy. He writes for ESPN. Though his writings will never make Oprah's Book Club, they also do not require CliffsNotes to understand and appreciate.

deadlines.

Lately, a lot of changes have been taking place around me. Domestic changes. Work-related changes. Decisions being made; actions taking place.

It is now my turn to initiate changes and to act on issues which have been pending for awhile. Dates will be set, and deadlines will be met.

The ball has always been there. Now I just have to get it moving.

congratulations.

Since I probably will not be allowed at your wedding, here are my words...

I knew of all your boyfriends in high school. All the hardships you went through with each of them, I was there. I read all the love notes, intercepted all the phone calls, shed the same tears. I was there. Though I do not know of the present man, I know that he is lucky to have you and will treat you right. Your parents would only leave you in good hands. The wedding is not until the end of the year, but from this day forward, I wish you two joy and happiness. You have come a long way and truly deserve the best! Congratulations.

And remember what I said, If greater things happen along the way, it will just make you cherish them more because they were unexpected.