most wanted.

Apparently my life is to be spent running from the law. There is a poster with my face on it in every cop car.

As if getting pulled over and getting a ticket was not enough, I had to receive a phone call from the Denton County Deputy a day later informing me of a warrant for my arrest. You can only imagine my reaction to this...Shut the fuck up!

I immediately looked up the phone number to make sure the phone call was legit. Sure enough - Denton County Deputy Office. It was very much legit. Shit. I was wanted for a check written back in August of 2005 to Mr. Jim's pizza with insufficient funds.

I firmly explained to the Deputy that this is all beyond my league and kindly asked him to explain the logistics from the beginning. To which he replied, we can handle this one of two ways...one, I send someone to arrest you...or two, my favorite, you take care of this on your own and handle all fees owed.

Excuse me, but that implies that I am, in fact, guilty of the accused charges. So let me first explain to you that I never order pizza, and if I did, I would pay cash, not check. Secondly, I have never had Mr. Jim's in my life. Papa John's is my pizza of choice, in case you need to write that down. Thirdly, if I ever did write a check I would definitely have more than enough funds in my account - not enough to cover the cost of a pizza? Are you fucking kidding me?

A series of privacy questions followed, and an hour later he thanked me for my patience in the matter (did I have a fucking choice?) and said that he will keep in touch as he clears up the misunderstanding and finds the person he is really looking for. Same name, same date of birth.