lip slut.

I have been called a lip slut.

During college, I discovered this entertaining habit of making out with random guys in bars/clubs. It was fun; but that game ended when I left Austin.

This past weekend, my lips resurfaced. On night one, I made out with two random guys. Separately, of course. Night two, I took a break. Night three, my lips got action again.

Too bad this lip slut is still single.

no time for punctuation.

Fuck the grammar. Fuck the punctuation...the subject/verb agreement. Who has time to put together proper sentences, when one cannot even make sense out of life. You capitalize a letter to indicate the beginning...you punctuate to end. But who chooses the punctuation? Who gets to decide if it is a period...an exclamation mark...a question mark?

2009 has been a shitty year. I will be the first to admit that I can be, at times, an extremely pessimistic person. But please know that something always ignites the pessimism. It does not grow without water. This past month and a half, the water has been treacherous. It seems everyone's health has been on the decline.

First my sister's incident. Then co-worker after co-worker. Trickling all the way down to acquaintances and strangers. Cancer. Depression. Death...after death. I cannot even grasp the frequency of these unfortunate situations. How can someone all of a sudden have a lump? How can one go into a physical examination healthy, and then come out with an aortic aneurysm? How does one wake up one morning with the idea of playing racquetball, not thinking it may be his last game...ever? How does a kind, talented person end up alongside a major highway...dead? How does someone get so lost and confused that the only answer that seems to remotely make sense is the answer furthest from the truth.

It is not about me. None of it is. But how do I help? There has to be something I can do. I refuse to think there is nothing. I refuse. I cannot give up hope. It is taking everything out of me to be hopeful. One that is not religious...has no religion...and I find myself at church. I close my eyes and accept that God, or any higher being for that matter, may not be the answer but that it is a direction I am willing to face...for anything that may remotely resemble answers. My soul cannot take any more. But again, it is not about me.

Please end my thoughts with positive and hopeful punctuation. Amen.

'closing up' a chapter.

This past Wednesday, I closed up a chapter in my life. Literally. My tongue ring had been closing up, due to the fact that I have been neglecting it by going days without wearing a tongue ring. Wednesday morning, I practically had to re-pierce the hole when I attempted to force the 12 gauge through. After hours of agitation while at work, I decided maybe it was time.

April 1, 2004. After several trips to True Blue, I was finally healthy enough to get my tongue pierced. (They refused my business previous times due to a compromised immune system...I really just had a bad cough, but whatever.) It was not nearly as bad as I imagined. In fact, I distinctly remember saying the cartilage piercing was more painful. I also remember seeing the small chunk of tongue-meat being removed prior to the bar being placed in the hole. Yum.

While a tongue piercing came with several innuendos, I truly just enjoyed it as an accessory. I know people passed judgment and came to certain conclusions based on a damn hole in my tongue. I, in a way, thrived on their ignorance. Maybe there were ties to sexual tendencies that made me play with the ring all the time. I had a horrible habit of biting on it and running it against my teeth. I went through several plastic spacers, swallowed many balls...I even had to get my teeth filed. But I loved my piercing. I loved it so much I even thought about getting a second one...but it was not possible, as my piercing was placed dead center between my frenulum and the tip of my tongue. No room.

My tongue ring reminded me of some of the best memories I have had. I associate a lot of those memories with my senior year, post-college, and the Zetas. I loved being able to casually show my tongue ring to random people, and taking note of how they reacted. I liked it because it was different. I liked it because it made me me. And now it is gone. Time for another piercing, perhaps?

technician > pharmacy manager.

If you are incompetent, at least have the balls to admit it.
If you are a supervisor, find a way to appreciate your subordinates.
If you are not good at your job, at least find something about your job to be good at.
Everyone makes mistakes. But do not be guilty of the biggest mistake of all...not admitting to your own.

I can type 10 prescriptions faster than you can fill ONE.
I type, pull drugs, and count. All you do is scribble three damn letters on the bottle.
I put up with the miserable, cranky customers; you hide behind the damn counters.
I spend hours on the phone with insurance companies, only to have you claim all the credit from the customers.

You get paid more than 10 times as much as I do...and for what?! Make your registered pharmacist-ass useful.

can't help but worry.

Ever since I can remember, I have been the epitome of a worry-wort. The littlest things to the most significant things...I worry. So, imagine when my sister called me one night and told me she had been throwing up continuously for 2 days. I worried.

I told her to go see a doctor. With limited means of transportation, she went to the school clinic. I am quickly reminded of the treatment I got at the Student Services Building at UT. Cough, sore throat, chest pain. No matter what the symptom, the diagnosis was always 'allergies.' Allergies my ass. So, of course, I have absolutely no faith in the so-called doctors at any campus clinic.

My distrust was confirmed when they sent my sister home with anti-nausea medication to treat the flu. She continued to throw up for 2 more days. She had lost 10 pounds. I then insisted she see a real doctor. She ended up at an emergency room, set up with IV treatment, and then released.

Once my parents were informed, they quickly made a trip to College Station. They then decided to pick her up and take her back home. While they thought all she needed was rest in a comfortable environment, I insisted she see another doctor - a real doctor. I practically had to beg my parents to take her to a doctor. The extent of the conversation made me furious. My parents made me so upset. For a moment, I had lost faith in doctors and my parents.

For all that it is worth, I am glad she is getting better.

the end.

I love to write. Do I think I am good at writing, no. But I love to write. It takes me 5 hours to put down 5 sentences, but I love to write. I love how sentences come together and form a thought. The thought then sometimes generates into a story. A story told by me.

So I have a friend who also loves to write. He has shared some writings with me before. Today he shared a short story. It read like a person with a huge heart. It spoke colorful words, as I made my way to the end. The end...

His loneliness was back again staring him square in the face. Reality killed him, not the gun he stuck in his mouth. The Love that was "forever"........was for him.

...the end.

my vote did not count.

So we have our first Black President. On that note, I will now attempt to rant on about politics, or my lack of knowledge thereof, and why I do not vote...

I am sick of people lecturing me because I do not vote. Just as it is my so-called right to vote, it is also my right not to. Do you really want uneducated people like me voting? The only reason I even knew who the candidates were this year was because of all the SNL talk. I would not be able to tell you one platform from another.

I feel like this year's campaign has been about color and gender. Now why would I want to be apart of that? Black versus white. Male versus female. Old versus young. Majority versus minority. Our future does not look to bright if this is going to be the basis of decisions to be made.

Congratulations to the new President. I can only hope the country made the best choice.

I love football.

There has been something about Thursday and Monday night football this season. They have all been exceptionally played games. Unfortunately for me, I have had to go to work early the next morning.

I have a problem saying no when people ask me to work. I recognize my limits, yet I give in.

It had been several years since I have had an annual physical. Knowing my body has been through a great deal the past few years, I anticipated changes in my lab results. Sure enough, seems I need to take better care of myself - which may include holding back on some of my indulgences. Not to be mistaken with a diet.

I have found a writer whose writing I do not mind reading. Writings are short, yet entertainingly humorous.

What is worse than being on the rag, is being on the rag while sick and having to work 14 hour days. Oh, and throw in a cold sore. Yeah, that is the shits.

I now know why Mondays are dreaded by normal 9-5ers. It is dreaded so much that it almost makes Sunday nights less enjoyable.

flaming thumb tacks.

Who would have ever thought the Tennessee Titans would be UNDEFEATED?! When people ask me what my favorite NFL team is, I claim the Titans. Everyone just assumes it is because of Vince Young. Please. With as many "issues" as Vince Young has right now, I would be damned to place my love for a team in his hands. I have been a silent fan of the Titans since 1999 when they changed their name from the Oilers. I loved Eddie George, and I especially loved how tight McNair wore this uniform. It was almost as sexy as John Stockton in his short shorts.

Several years later, is it now the Titan's defense that dominates, not the offense. GO TITANS!

Hook 'em!

This year's Red River game ranks among the top 5 games ever!



The game was amazing. Colt was amazing. Shipley was amazing. Cosby was amazing. I want to have all their babies!

Oh, what I would have given to come face to face with that OU fucker after the game. This OU fan thought it would be cool to stare at us the whole game while cheering for OU. And then he had the nerve to ask, "Do you guys even know anything about football?" I vaguely remember saying something like, "...short and inches. Just like your penis!" some time during the game when OU was inches short of a down. Ha.

Cheers to my Longhorns! Hook 'em!

Habitat for Humanity.

After several years of interest and no action, I can finally cross it off my list. This past Saturday I was able to dedicate the whole day to a project. Eye-opening does not even begin to describe the experience. The drive to South Dallas was an experience in itself. Passing by a Williams Fried Chicken and a Brotherhood Food Market, I realized how different my world is. From 8 to about 12 I helped build the interior of the house. Hammering for four hours straight is no joke. After a 30 minute lunch, I moved onto the exterior of the house, where I put in brick handles around the house. I only wish I had more free weekends to give.

My poor body was not used to the all day manual labor I put it through. I know I am going to be sore for days.

constipated.

$100+ bar tabs are more times than not a result of a good nights out. Too bad some of the latter part of the evening is a bit blurry. The strangest thing though, the second we got seated I was like, 'Hey, I recognize our waiter.' Did you sleep with him? 'Ha, no.' Turns out he was a waiter at the Bennigan's I went to every Thursday night back in the Club 212 closeout days. (Those were the $200+ bar tab days...) All in all, a surprisingly fun evening.

My content, static life has recently become somewhat dissatisfying and dishearteningly dynamic. Unprepared, I am left a bit lost and void of direction.

National Stay at Home Week has filled my DVR to 65% in just one week. Damn 2 hour season premiers!

Arguing with Asian people is like trying to shit when you are constipated. You are left with nothing but frustration, a red face, and a pain in your ass. Seriously, I know some of is a language barrier but the rest of it is their communistic ass talking about bullshit they do not even understand. They completely lose sight of the subject at hand and somehow digress to some worldly matter that is unrelated. It always ends up being the other person's fault. It does not matter if fault is even to be placed, someone is at fault and it is never them. Oh, and in the end, it comes down to respect. The capitalization followed by an exclamation - they claim they are always disrespected.

If I have to pay for my own work clothes, I am going to by the cheapest black pants out there. They are going to get worn and torn anyway. $7 at Target, baby. Size 16 in girls - I love it.

Between my Wii Fit age and my brain size in Brain Academy, I am feeling the toll that age has taken on me. I must somehow find a way to regain any speed and endurance, along with analyzing and computing skills I once had.

37. That was my score at the end of 10 frames. That is right, my friends, I bowled a 37. I am by far one of the worst bowlers, ever.

Forget a quarter-life crisis. My body is physically going through a crisis on its own. I cannot seem to shake whatever is wrong with my knee. Upon squatting to file something away, I heard something best described as a combination of a tear and a pop in my right knee. I played it off the rest of the evening, but while I was showering, I noticed I could not cleanse my legs without wincing in pain.

An orange slurpee gave me diarrhea. Craving not satisfied.

call 911.

You can take all the CPR classes in the world but nothing will prepare you for the real deal.

This past Wednesday, I experienced the real deal. It all happened in slow motion. The patron collapsed just 10-15 feet away from me. I saw it happen - he slowly put his head down, and then fell to the ground! His head snapped back, jaw dropped open, and eyes rolled to the back of his head. Without a second thought, I had one of the part-timers call 911. I then immediately called down for a lifeguard to assist.

Did I make the right decisions? Was my course of action correct? I had such a hard time sleeping Wednesday night. I could not get the wife's voice and facial expression out of my head. The look on her face said it all - help me! somebody please help me!

I wanted to help. I wanted to do all I could to help. I know I could have done more - but what should I have done? All they teach you in class is, "Hey, hey, are you okay?" What the hell. Was I supposed to start CPR? Should I have checked his vitals before calling for help?

I can only hope the man is okay; EMS took him away.

I am the winner!

Cowboys victory over the Eagles sealed the W for the week...

pick 'em.

There is a boy at work that interests me. I, however, do not interest him as much.

Tom Brady out for the season?! Damn. Sucks for all the people who had him on their fantasy team!

It has not been done since college, but it finally happened again. I accidentally drove off with my drink still resting on top of my car. Damnit.

The TV is always on when I am home now. Between football season and Fall shows starting up, the TV has my undivided attention.

Anyone know where I can get a new set of eyeballs for a good price?

It did not dawn on me until the other day when I heard my neighbor's baby crying upstairs. If I can hear the baby cry at night, can they hear my TV on at 2 in the morning? Can they hear my alarm go off at 3:45 am on the mornings I have to be at work by 5?

The one time you feel appreciated (almost) makes up for the multiple times your hardwork is overlooked.

Post-hurricane weather is absolutely gorgeous. Too bad I will spend most of the week indoors at work instead of outside in 80 degree weather.

I'm winning this week's pick-ems!!! This is, of course, incomplete with tomorrow's Cowboys/Eagles game still to be determined, but I am so excited because I will probably never win another week the rest of the season!!! Check it...

I am sorry for your loss.

During my twenty-some years of existence, I have only suffered losses of friends. That is not to say that no one of family has died. I have just never 'suffered' as a result of their death, until now.

Yesterday my grandfather suffered a stroke. Following the stroke, MRIs were done to determine the effect of the stroke. Half of his brain was destroyed. The other half was a mess. Doctors projected he had but three to four days to live. My father, aunt, and uncle immediately bought airline tickets to Hong Kong. I can only imagine that their one wish was to make it across seas before my grandfather passed; a chance to hold and touch their father's hands before the blood stops circulating and the palms turn cold.

My grandfather has passed, and at this very moment in time my father is stuck at the airport because of a layover in Los Angeles. How fucking shitty is that?

I do not believe in a particular higher being, but if I did I can tell you I would be doubting all that it stands for right now. I have never felt this sort of pain for anyone before. The pain I feel for my father outweighs any pain I have for myself. Before he left I called him just to let him know I knew of the situation. Of course the conversation was just that - an acknowledgment of the facts and nothing more. Prior to hanging up he told me to take care of myself, as he did not want to have to worry about me, as well. My heart sank.

I hate that I feel, but cannot express. I love you, Dad. I am so very sorry for your loss...

pharmacy funny.

A slow Friday night at the pharmacy...

Me: What's that one saying? Something old, something blue..?

Jill: Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Why? You getting hitched?

Me: Ha - Yeah, to Bill.

Bill: I'm the something old.

Jill: And Viagra is the something blue.

so you got jokes.

Pool and darts are my latest pastimes. Though my game could use much improvement, I thoroughly enjoy playing. Maybe it is the atmosphere. Maybe it is the beer.

People who have no sense of humor annoy the hell out of me. Life is depressing enough as it is, with war between countries, people dying of cancer, gas prices rising. For everyone's sake, please, try to laugh a little.

Growing up, I always had a little bully inside of me. Grown up, I apparently still have it in me. I will make a conscious effort to be nice.

C. Parker is amazing...



Someone please explain to me the logic behind blister-packing migraine medications. Between my Zyrtec D and my Amerge, my headaches triple in severity. When my head is throbbing, the last thing I want to do is try to break about a plastic seal to get to a tablet that may or may not help soothe my pain.

Guitar Hero owns me.

The countdown to The Olympics and Football Season has begun! The Olympics have not been the same since the Dream Team days; hopefully this year will be exciting. Football season, on the otherhand, is always exciting. I cannot wait!

I will no longer take my health for granted. The past month has been hell. I feared permanently losing vision in one eye. Talk of surgery scared the shit out of me. Hundreds of dollars were spent trying to find a treatment. Headaches were suffered each day, as contacts could no longer be worn and glasses were the only option. Bottles and bottles of eye drops prescribed. Daily activities (work and play) were put on hold - I have taken off more days from work the past few weeks than I have the past few years. Hopefully my appointment tomorrow will bring good news and send me on my way to being back to normal. I cannot even begin to describe how awful the past month has been...scared, alone, feel of hopelessness...

what the hell is wrong with me?

I have been up since 4 am. I worked practically 15 hours straight. I have to be up in less than 4 hours. I am wide awake. It is like my body is on crack. I cannot even thinking straight. I keep thinking about the $4.99/lb rib-eye steaks I am going to buy tomorrow. Fuck it. I am going to watch TV.

stay strong.

I understand what you are going through. More than you will ever know. Though it may seem like night and day, the same stars shine upon us. I wish, with all my heart, I could take away all the pain, frustration, and uncertainty which now consumes you. Stay strong, as you are every bit deserving of happiness.