quotable.

Change. We don't like it. We fear it. But we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change. Or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Any one that tells you it doesn't is lying. But here's the truth, sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, change is good. Sometimes, change is everything.

We all have problems...I don't want to be here. I'd give anything to not be here. To have my life work out the way I planned. To have time to ask 'what about me?' So you change. You get over it. I'm here, now.

-Grey's Anatomy

apologize.

I must apologize for my foul attitude/behavior these past two weeks. My uncharacteristic moods were brought to my attention by several people over a few weeks, so long that I could not blame it on a certain time of month.

I choose to work 70 hour weeks, and it is not the amount of time spent working that has taken its toll, but rather the working conditions. A fairly stress-free full-time job has turned into an extremely stressful job these past few weeks. I work hard four times out of the year. My job caters to the public, and it seems the public is never satisfied. It is never black or white, right or wrong. My part-time job has become a zoo. Three newly hired technicians, two of which are foreigners. It has been madness day in and day out.

My patience level has been slim to none. Growing up, you are always told there is no such thing as a stupid question. Once grown up, you realize by that the before mentioned statement only applies during the years of growth, when you still have much to learn. As an adult, the overwhelming number of inquisitive idiots do, in fact, ask stupid questions. One every once in awhile is okay to ignore, but one every hour of every day begins to make you wish a meteor fell on each idiot's head upon completion of each stupid question.

Miscarriage. Abortion. Suicide. Death. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought I would be personally involved with so many people dealing with these situations during my life. In my opinion, these are some of the most difficult challenges one can face in life, and I envy those who know of no such thing. No one can ever really know how it feels until you, yourself, experience it. And even at that, it differs for everyone. I can only hope that I have and will do everything I can.

Eight years younger than me, my sister is one of the closest people to me. She recently went off to college for her freshman year. If I would have shed a tear any time this year, it would have been the day we moved her in. I miss her more than words could ever say. We grew extremely close over the past three years and though like night and day, we seem to relate very well to each other. She is one of the most kind hearted and good natured people I know. I wish her the best in college and hope she overcomes her current struggles.

No excuses. Not a justification. Just 'cause. Forgive me.

hungry hungry hippos.

One of life's greatest pleasures is having friends with similar eating habits who understand the importance of satisfying cravings...

Hungry Hippo 1: you think those shops around the legacy supermarket are open?
Hungry Hippo 2: yeah they are
Hungry Hippo 1: think they take CC?
Hungry Hippo 1: and have gop / beef noodle soup?
Hungry Hippo 1: man, i'd say first chinese bbq on coit, but they are cash only as well
Hungry Hippo 2: you know, i dont know that there isa cafe-like restuarant there..the only reastuarnat is liek a jap, pho, and this new-san-dor chinese restaurant
Hungry Hippo 1: really?? aw man
Hungry Hippo 1: what to doo!
Hungry Hippo 2: taiwan cafe?
Hungry Hippo 1: i'm hunngryy
Hungry Hippo 1: ooh we can do that!
Hungry Hippo 2: wait, they're cash only right?
Hungry Hippo 1: they are?!
Hungry Hippo 2: yeah.t.hey're cash only
Hungry Hippo 1: man
Hungry Hippo 1: sorry, i just lost my train of thought
Hungry Hippo 1: it's like my brain cells die with each hunger pang
Hungry Hippo 2: i have $15 cash...you think that's enough for hte 2 of us to eat?
Hungry Hippo 2: im desparate
Hungry Hippo 2: so sad
Hungry Hippo 1: i can TRY to get some cash out of the atm?
Hungry Hippo 1: honestly, i don't rememer my pin
Hungry Hippo 1: which is why i never have any cash
Hungry Hippo 2: haha. thats horrible
Hungry Hippo 1: hahaha, i KNOW
Hungry Hippo 1: i have a few guesses as to what it is
Hungry Hippo 1: so i could try to extract some cash?!
Hungry Hippo 1: what time is shabu shabu open till?
Hungry Hippo 2: 10
Hungry Hippo 1: ok, coool!
Hungry Hippo 1: what time do yo uwant to eat?
Hungry Hippo 1: so uhh like... 8:30? 8:25?
Hungry Hippo 2: yeah
Hungry Hippo 1: ok sounds good!
Hungry Hippo 1: i gotta find a wamu
Hungry Hippo 2: across from chick file
Hungry Hippo 2: er, they take pesronal cks
Hungry Hippo 2: i could bring a ck
Hungry Hippo 1: lol... checks... i don't think i've used a check since i had my own place
Hungry Hippo 1: lol it's ok i'll figure it out
Hungry Hippo 1: if i can't figure it out i can alawyas just go home and get cash
Hungry Hippo 2: omg. something about this is absurd.
Hungry Hippo 1: dude, when i'm hungry i will do ANYTHING for food
Hungry Hippo 2: aite, do what you gotta do..i'll bringa ck just in case

passing thoughts.

Gas is $2.99/gallon near my apartment. 5 blocks away I can fill up my car for $2.55/gallon. Crazy.

Though I have cut back on Starbucks, I have tweaked my order a bit. I never thought I would be one of those...but I have. My regular order: Iced Grande 3-Pump Vanilla No Room Americano. I can even say it fast.

One month later, I have paid my first month's rent and all the bills that come along with it. Holy shit, living on your own is expensive.

I am going to become a born-again tv junkie. I may even dip into the reality shows I never really cared for.

Part of growing up is dealing with death. It is amazing how someone's death can impact you, even if you had never met the person. He was so young. Yet, during his short life, he touched so many lives and accomplished so much.

Currently listening to: Apologize - One Republic.

Bowel movements have become a regular topic of conversation for me. Thankfully, I have co-workers and friends who are just as open about their regularities or irregularities.

Now that I have my own place, I find myself walking around in just basketball shorts and a bra. A sports bra, that is.

I am on an underwear buying high. But seriously, how can you not take advantage of 10 for $30 at Victoria's Secret?

Random things I miss...my dad's cooking, my sister, staying up all night at the PCL with LT, not having to worry about the electric bill, Zetas, skipping class, Cafe n Beyond/PC Wave, eating pork and rice at Grace's, recess, weekend sleepovers at Leslie's, late night phone calls during high school.

slob within.

For the most part, I am a clean and neat person. There are, however, at least two noteable messes I am guilty of...


Bet you never knew I had ten pairs of feet. Looks like I currently have visitors at my apartment. I would invest in a shoe rack, but I do not think I would use it. I have a bad habit of just kicking off my shoes/flip flops right in front of the door.




This could look a lot worse. After working 11-15 hours, tossing my clothes at the edge of my bed is so much easier than putting it in my closet at the end of the day. Bigger bed = more surface area for clothes to be thrown.

fear of the future.

I have this fear that I will end up like someone I know.

One of my biggest fears in life has always been to grow up alone. Diseased or povershed, either would be bearable as long as there were others, or just one other, there beside me. But to be healthy and old, but alone...what is the point?

Accomplished at work, the personal life dwindles. At home, the drinking comes before the sleeping. At age 40+ with no family, no kids.

I do not pray, but if I did, I would pray to the highest of gods that if I am diseased and povershed, that I am dying penniless in the arms of someone that loves me.

new found freedom.

The first of this month marked the beginning of a new start. Everyone is allowed a Restart button in their life. Some people choose to press it every year at the strike of midnight. Do not take it for granted. The past will never be erased, and that may hurt me in more ways than one but it is the price I will have to pay. Scrifices were made. Seems sacrifices are still being made. I turned to a life of solitude, which became a time of discovery. Independence is nice, but it is best complimented with unanticipated dependence.

Thank you to the few that did not judge me or leave me these past 18 months. The rest of my life will never be the same, and I will do my best to make the most of it.

fob on the rocks.

Apparently I can speak fob after a few drinks. Last night I was actually able to hold a conversation with a complete stranger. Granted the conversion was somewhat limited to the subject of dim sum, it was a conversation, nonetheless. Maybe I have it in me to speak Chinese, but I just lack the confidence. Can you imagine? I could be an extremely fluent speaker while in a drunken stupor.

Note: I was not hitting on a fob at the club. A very friend Chinese guy approached us in the parking lot and invited us to his newly opened Chinese restaurant. $5.99 dim sum buffet, if you are interested.

Colt McCoy, he's our boy.

For those of you who do not know, the one of the left is Colt McCoy, the Longhorn's current star quarterback. Though he is no Vince Young, he is a cute, small town boy with a good arm. And the little one on the right...that is Thomas, the son of my favorite pharmacist to work with, Jill. Jill and her family went to the UT/Arkansas State game this past weekend and then proceeded to dine with the McCoy family. How cool is that?!

the new crib.

The deadline drew nearer, and the time finally came. It was time to move out and find my own place. So here it is, much awaited pictures of my apartment...


- The Kitchen. Where I need to venture past turkey sandwiches. -


- The Living Room. Where I will be watching my ESPN and GH. -


- The Bathroom. Where I will poo and pee. Oh, and shower. -



- The Bedroom. Where I will hope to catch a few hours on my big girl bed. -

It ain't no MTV Cribs, but it is my crib. And I like it.

it was like Christmas.

No matter how far technology advances, I will always appreciate the simple things in life. Snail mail will never grow old. I received a package from Grace, and it was like Christmas, minus the tree and tedious wrapping.


Random assortment of items, I know. But each and every one of them makes me smile...yes, even the ugly/cute Pink dog from Victoria Secret.

Thanks, Grace!

the day has finally come.

Today marks the beginning of a new way of life. A sleepless life.

At 11:00 this morning, Mr. Time Warner came by and blessed me with cable TV and internet. My life is complete. Well, minus money and a man - I am still waiting for those to come knocking on my door.

I spoiled myself with a DVR so if you guys ever need to find me, I will be embedded in my leather couch in front of the tv. I could not have timed it any better - the kickoff of football and the start of a new season for primetime shows.